They tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first. The idea is simple, though it could be lifesaving. Take care of yourself first because if you don’t you might not be able to take care of others. I used to wonder, in the moments before take-off when despite all the well-worn statistics about flying being safer than driving a car the recesses of my imagination never quite seemed to have got the memo, would I be able to put my own mask on first? In the moment of panic would I be able to pause and look to my own needs before those of my nearest and dearest?
That was back when getting into an aeroplane was an option, of course. Now it’s been six months since I’ve even considered the idea. Until recently lockdown was steadily easing across the country, and even now with new uncertainties and restrictions re-introduced in the midlands, people are still returning to a kind of normal compared to the situation in recent months. But building a new sense of normal is going to be different for everyone, and everyone has the right to follow government guidelines at their own pace. I have noticed in recent weeks trying to find a way to say “no” to requests and suggestions from friends and family who are in a different headspace. No to the group of friends who have invited me out for a meal because I don’t feel comfortable taking the train at a peak time to get there. No to the elderly neighbour who wants me to come in because I can’t countenance putting them at risk.
Some people characterise themselves or others as people-pleasers, but I think to an extent we all are. It’s what we’re hard-wired to do – the more we please others, the more we fit in, the safer and more stable we feel. Sometimes the word “no” can feel like the hardest word to grasp for, as we’re faced with yet another request for our time, energy or resources. Often there’s no request at all, we just find ourselves in the familiar position of doing something we don’t really want to do because we feel like we don’t really know how to say no to it.
It’s easy to think you don’t ‘deserve’ to be finding the crisis difficult to deal with, perhaps if you have not been as badly affected as others. But there is nothing to be gained by that – support your friends and family who are struggling, donate to charities helping the most vulnerable, but also recognise that you yourself need taking care of too.