One of my children recently came home to visit. She moved out some time ago, but as seems to be the way with children, never quite managed to remove all of her belongings from her parents’ house. Every now and again we threaten to throw some of these things away, in the hope that our children will come and free up some space in our attic. It never seems to work. But this time, at the end of her visit she appeared in the kitchen with a heated clothes drying rack. It belonged to her, but was so big, awkward and bulky that she’d never managed to take it to her own home.
She looked at me, and said determinedly: “It’s time.” The prospect of rising energy costs in winter had finally forced her to bite the bullet, and bring home the drying rack which had been languishing at our house for I don’t know how long. The problem, it transpired, was not so much the actual carrying of the rack – it’s large, but very light, and because it has built-in handles it’s possible to carry it under one arm.
Instead, the reason my daughter had left it in our house for so long was that she couldn’t face what people would think of her. The journey back to her home involves several forms of public transport, and a connection walking through busy streets. She imagined people staring at her, judging her, and grumbling about how her enormous drying rack was taking up too much space and getting in the way. But now it had become too important, so she had to take a deep breath and bravely venture out with her luggage in one hand, and a heated drying rack in the other.
Of course, nobody noticed. Nobody judged, nobody grumbled. During her entire journey I don’t think anyone even looked at her twice. When she told me – indignant, after getting home, that she had needlessly waited so long to relocate her drying rack, based on unfounded fears – it made me laugh. Not only because of her adventures, but because I recognised something so common to all of us – we all think everyone else is much more interested in us than they really are.
It's so easy to feel embarrassed, to feel like everyone is looking at you, and to avoid doing things because you’re afraid of what other people will think. But more often than not, other people don’t even notice. While it may be a bit humbling to realise you’re not as much the subject of everyone else’s attention that you thought you were, it’s also incredibly freeing.