You will one day stop feeling helpless and learn to understand how valuable you are in your job. I know you think now that you only have your job because you’ve been there so long, but you will learn to re-frame work in your mind, and you have become such an integral, valued part of the team. You have the strength to get through it. This will come from within you. It is in your power to control your behaviours.
You will rediscover your strengths, and be able to say them out loud, and you will enjoying challenging things and standing up for what you believe in. That feisty part of you will rise again and you will feel passionate about what you do. You will learn to place work in the context of the other aspects of your life, and understand how important it is to you. The biggest change in future will be how you feel. You will feel calmer, in control, and not as downtrodden, helpless or alone.
You will regain all of your energy for life. The person lying on the bed with alpen in the dark will have zest for life, and will feel very content. Life will still pose challenges but you will be in a better place to tackle them. You will feel in control. These changes will be deep inside you, and you will direct them.